I am a suicide survivor (click here) and I have a story of hope and magic for anyone who needs it.
I have always been a person that believes in signs and the magic of the universe. Especially in my darkest hour, signs, whatever they maybe, would create teeny tiny sparks of hope. When I needed a giant sign last year, I discovered a song while on a random YouTube clicking spree. Little did I know just how much impact this song would have on my life. This song started out as my life saving anthem and became so much more!
Take a listen:
Alabama Shakes-Hold on
(I cannot begin to describe how incredibly refreshing Brittany Howard is for so many reasons! )
I listened to this song on repeat from the first moment I heard it. It spoke to my soul. No, it was bigger than that...this song shook my soul. I found a gigantic spark of hope from the song Hold On, my sign from the universe, and I played it ALL THE TIME while putting up the greatest fight of my life. Sometimes Hold On would make me cry a detoxing soul purifying cry, and other times it would send a serge of soul shaking power right to my core. Whichever way my soul heard this song in the moment, when it played it helped me heal. I held on and I am still here!
Why am I telling you this? 2019 came with an opportunity I could not pass up - a sponsored trip to Israel. Many times while on the trip I reflected on where I was a year ago, drowning in depression and planning to end my life. To then find myself in Israel a year to date later... nothing short of mind blowing.
That would have been enough, only the universe had one more magic trick up its sleeve. While in Israel, in a small sandwich shop surrounded by beautiful desert I heard my song!!! I heard Hold On!! It sent my brain, heart, and soul into overdrive. I couldn't believe I was hearing Hold On on the other side of the world! After all, I had never even heard the song on the radio back home in Las Vegas! I felt weirdly alone and empowered by love all at the same time. No one in that coffee shop knew what was happening inside my head but I knew the universe could hear my screams of delight and shock. The moment inspired me to share my story with friends I had made on the trip. I've learned to share my journey because you never know who is listening and may need the hope.
I struggle to put into words how insane that moment was for me. I was reminded that someone/something is aware of our individual journeys and takes an active interest in reminding us that we are not alone and to hold on. Call this entity what you will, I believe someone/something bigger than me wants to see me stay. Maybe, if you are reading this story, this is your sign. Always be open to seeing the signs! That is where the magic of our world lies!
