Damn Dress. Wrong Assumption. Stronger Conviction.

How to begin?

     One evening for an event, I made the choice to wear the dress I have deemed my "I feel blah" dress. It is a size too big for me, ties in around the waist, and with a nice cardigan I still feel pretty and not stuffed into it.  I love this dress; it is my dress version of "stretchy pants" when I need to look nice. I am ok with my extra holiday fluff as it will go away and I will be back to my normal weight after the holidays. I forgive myself for the treats I have had and relax. I am strong in my convictions about my weight and how I feel about my body. At a gathering the universe decided to test just how strong I am. 

     As I said before, the dress ties in around the waist. The string is sewn in the dress. Pull, cinch, and tie. I pulled and tied a bit to tight because during the evening when I leaned forward in my chair the string broke! There was nothing I could do. In that moment I knew I had two choices: hate my body or hate the dress. I chose to hate the dress. It betrayed me. There is nothing wrong with my body. I had simply tied it too tight and unfortunately moved in just the right way that...snap...my dress now hung on my body like a moo moo.  I proceeded with my evening, pulling my cardigan around my body to try and disguise my potato sack dress.  

     As the evening went on I forgot to focus on keeping my cardigan wrapped around me, it did not have buttons to keep it closed on its own.  I was enjoying conversations with friends when the true test of my self esteem came a-knocking. I extended a pleasantry to a woman I know. I gave her a hug and engaged in small talk. She began to congratulate me, going on about how happy she was for me. My husband and I give each a look and it occurred to both of us...SHE THINKS I'M PREGNANT!!  Just to be sure I asked her what I did to be congratulated on, maybe I missed something. No, the look on her face said it all. She really thought I was pregnant and my response informed her I was not.  She quickly changed the subject to my hair, complimenting me on it, and then darted away from us as soon as she saw a way out. 

     Here is the moment. The true test to having rebuilt my self esteem.  I felt stunned. I have never had that happen before. I turned to my husband, who is an extremely supportive man, and I could see the look of panic on his face. He did not know how I was going to react and he was braced for something.  That moment, needless to say, killed my evening and I wanted to go home. We said our goodbyes and left.  I was struggling to think rationally. I know I do not look pregnant in clothes that fit me. I had to have repeated this to myself one hundred times on the drive home. My husband did his very best to remind me I am beautiful and it was the dresses fault.  Agreed, it was the over sized dress that apparently emphasized the wrong body parts.  

     I barely walked into the house and I had ripped the dress off my body, cursing at it, and threw it into the trash. I stood staring at my beautiful dress crumpled up in the trashcan and I felt confused.  I am body positive. My mission is to spread love for all bodies, yet in that moment I felt a tiny bit of dislike for my body. A tiny bit of anger for eating the cookies. A tiny spark of anger for feeling a spark of anger.  I put on the largest shirt I could find and like a child I pouted. Yup, lip out pout.  

     A few minutes later I was done.  I had successfully shaken myself back to normal. There is NOTHING wrong with my body - it WAS the dress.  Plus, she should not have assumed I was pregnant. It was a bit rude to openly congratulate me without knowing for sure if a baby was on the way. I learned a lesson from her. I will NEVER assume a woman is pregnant. EVER!! That moment messed up my head for a bit.  I was shocked and it took me some time to shake it off, though it also showed me just how far I have come. I am strong. I did not fall apart; instead I fought to build myself back up and remind myself that the assumption had nothing to do with my body and everything to do with a broken dress.  That was one hell of a test to prove how strong I am. I hope I passed! 

     I have since rescued my beloved "I feel blah" dress from the trash.  The broken string cannot be fixed but a chunky belt will do the trick and look cuter anyway.  I do have plans to wear a form fitting dress at the next event just to squash any rumors that may be milling about.  So universe, although I wavered for a moment, I am still proud of my body, and even learned a lesson.  

Etsy Artist Discovery

Spot Light on Artist Lady at Large

My FAVORITE!! 

     I have made it a mission to find artists that celebrate a woman's figure.  The female form does not come in a standard one-size-fits-all mold. We are often subject to one body type, the subjective idea of what 'beauty' means.  As women, we are worthy to feel beautiful in the skin we are in, regardless of our size.  Like art, the human body is open to interpretation. What we find attractive, someone else may not. Neither feeling is wrong.  

     Being able to explore the talents of many amazing people from around the world has made Esty an addiction of mine.  On Etsy, I discovered Aubry Chapman,Lady at Large, an artist from Seattle, Washington who paints the female form with glorious curves.  Her use of bright colors enhances the smiling seductive faces and voluptuous curves of her female creations. 

     It is refreshing to see the voluptuous woman celebrated.  When I look at these works of art, I smile and realize that my own body is just as beautiful! Aubry writes on her Etsy page:

"This art is to celebrate the larger female form. Not to treat it as a joke but to show that fat women are as beautiful as their thinner sisters, despite what the media might try to tell us. 

As a fat girl myself I get sort of tired of FAT being thought of as a four letter word, when so clearly it has only three. ;)" 

     The acceptance of our bodies - the ability to take a stand for our freedom to be in our skin however we choose to - that is a beautiful thing.  Images of women larger than the models that walk the runway and grace the cover of magazines have raised my personal self esteem. They do not have to be my size to help me look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman. Self confidence is contagious. 

Aubry uses her art as a way to spread her message of body positivity. Taken directly from her Etsy website; 

Size Positivity is my artistic mission!

I am a fat girl! There I just took that word back, it's not a four letter word. I started creating my fat ladies because I was sick of being treated as a joke and humorous device. I think the female form is beautiful in all its forms and create art to that end. 

Creating these ladies is for myself as much as the people who buy and create a home for my art. 

Growing up in this society it's difficult to grow up unscathed by societal expectations of beauty and femininity. It can paralyze a person with self hatred, my goal is to show the beauty in all of us, and not just inner beauty but the superficial physical beauty too. Because truly we are all lovely just as we are every bit of us!

     Her art is as beautiful as the message she sends.  Follow her on Facebook, on Etsy, and her blog.  Her beautiful ladies will help you to feel better about your own body as well as add charm to your home.