Reformed Dieter: Chapter One

Excuse me while I blow the dust off my blog...Has it really been over a year since I have written anything? Wow. I think it's time to go back to basics and relaunch this blog. Let's get caught up, shall we? I have recently made the decision to quit the diet industry. Yes, quit the diet industry. After having spent decades obsessed with my weight and size I have finally said fuck it! Am I going to spend my entire life trying to fit into some sort of deluded media based image of perfection? That seems like a waste of beautiful life if you ask me.

That was my driving force in reclaiming my life from the diet industry, I don't want to waste my life trying to achieve socially acceptable beauty. I found myself relapsing into my eating disorder, bulimia. It only came around every once in awhile so I never allowed myself to admit I had a problem. While I was fighting through this relapse I had the thought of all the conversations over weight, diet tricks, and eating habits I have had over the decades. Truly diet culture has been at the forefront of these conversations.

Weight has been an on going conversation in my life since 4th grade, when I first was placed in the obese category.  Fast forward to age 35 and I am a pro at weight loss. Oh yes, no one knows how to lose weight like I do. How fast do you want to do it? What lengths are you willing to go? What diet fits you? I could answer all those questions! Weight loss became my identity.

The ability to lose weight became my shining achievement. I was placed in a separate social box - the "Successful Dieter" box. Up the ladder I climbed as I seemingly became more successful at weight loss and managed to shrink myself down to a size 4. **autographs later** **No, No, please no pictures** I had reached the dieters Mt. Everest - Skinny! Do you know what's shitty about Mt. Everest? No one can live at the top and it's a long way back down!

So, as I slowly slide back down and gradually put on weight I became desperate to get back to the top. I didn't want to lose my shining achievement. I was going to be pushed off the dieters pedestal, and my fear of failure made me do some desperate dieting tricks. When I crashed at the bottom I crashed hard! It took out my confidence, my self-worth, and my spark. Everything felt like punishment. The joy was gone from daily life and what came in its place was shame and embarrassment. That's what broke me.

I am done with diet culture. I am done with killing myself to look a certain way. I am done with counting, weighing, obsessing, and punishing myself.  The diet industry broke me. I cannot do it any more. I am tired. I am 35 years old. I am done. I just want to be. I want to be whatever my healthy is, and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to NEVER live in a diet obsessed world again. **drops mic**

I am currently working with a wellness coach who is helping me find balance, peace, and health in a slow, made for me program. Diet culture is ingrained in me. It is all I know. I do not know how to just be. Food, weight, size, and exercise is the hamster wheel in my head and I'm taking it apart with the help of a great coach.  New Figure Forward is going to continue on as my outlet for the journey that lies ahead. I have begun to use YouTube to capture videos of epiphanies as they happen, Instagram is my daily in the moment posts, and my blog will document the overview of it all.

CLICK HERE to watch my YouTube videos.

Personal evolution is truly a gift. We are not stuck as the same person forever. Yes, I am a changed woman. This once diet crazed woman is turning in her calorie counters, pedometers, scale, and measuring tape. Goodbye diet culture, hello peace of mind and a long glorious life of living healthy!

My Year with Jillian Michaels

      This time last year I was a week into Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred workout. I had regained 30 pounds three different times in one year. I'd get it off and it would come right back! While I feel like I looked amazing regardless, I did not feel good. My body felt heavy and my mind was beginning to feel the guilt and fear of weight gain. I had promised myself and my blog readers that I was going to wear a bikini in the name of self-love that summer and I was not going back on my word. Even if that meant I'd be wearing a bikini in a bigger body. What I could not have foreseen is the impact this decision would have on the rest of my life. 

Let me tell you about my year with Jillian Michaels. 

     I completed all 30 days of the workout and wore my bikini with pride. Those first 30 days showed me I wasn't breakable. Soreness is a temporary discomfort that yields pride and change. In 30 days I went from push ups on my knees to three real push ups. May not sound mind blowing, but it was just my Chapter 1. Everyone has a chapter one, a day one. I wore my bikini and felt like a million bucks. I do not know how much weight I lost because I never stood on the scale. If I made it about numbers, I knew it would diminish my self-pride and I was not about to hand that over without a fight. The pictures speak for themselves...it worked!


     I had no long term plan, I had a 30 day plan. I was thrilled with the results so I kept doing the workouts, rotating between levels two and three until I felt ready to move onto other Jillian workouts. I went month to month, never imagining I would do this for an entire year. Honestly, even I was waiting for me to quit in the back of my mind. That disbelief in myself is actually responsible for me not quitting. I began to enjoy my new physical abilities and I did not want to go back to my old ways...so much so that I vowed to stop quitting. When I say I vowed, I mean it in a biblical sense; I told myself from my soul that I would quit holding myself back. I wanted to see what not quitting would do for my body and mind. It's all documented on my Instagram account @newfigureforward, you can scroll from the very first workout to today's workout. 
   

 Jillian Michaels got into my head. Her workouts proved to me that with hard work, transformation is possible. My body is proof. Her empowering words proved to me that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for in life. My mind is proof. It's hard not to change after hearing messages of how incredibly awesome I am and how I should be proud of the work I am doing. Jillian made me feel good in my mind. She got into my head and beat down the negative voices that tortured me since fourth grade. Within a few months of daily workouts (most no more than 30 minutes), Jillian had me believing I was badass. I cannot put in words what that feels like - to have come from a dark place of depression and obesity to a place that I believe I am truly capable of anything I set my mind to! I felt reborn. 

     My love for Jillian, I thought, was something only I had. Oh how wrong I was! Facebook can be an amazing tool to connect people to other like minded souls. Imagine my surprise when I discovered a whole group of Jillian lovers called Jillian Michaels Workout Junkies, a private group open only to women that supports each other. Thousands of women from all over the world encouraging each other to keep pushing and smash goals. This group helped me no longer feel alone, I had people who understood me instead of eye rolling and thinking I was nuts. The daily workout check in and supportive messages helped keep me focused. There is power in knowing someone gets you and I have thousands of Jillian fans that get me. It's amazing the positive power these amazing ladies have had on my journey! 

     About six months into my transformation I began to smile at myself in mirrors, have a little swag in my walk, and I liked myself. I continued to lose weight and became more and more athletic with each passing month. I had a huge reduction in my anxiety. Turns out that for me, the deep conviction that I am badass turned off my anxiety. With my new mental freedom I signed up for a Spartan Race and felt beyond proud of myself as I jumped the finish line fire. Jillian's words, heard 6 days a week, rewired me. I am not the same person. The person I was settled, floundered around, and got by. I had no passion or sense of purpose. I have gotten out of bed for the last four and half months with purpose.

     I have a goal. My reason to do what I do everyday. It's a different kind of life. I decided to go back to school, at 34, to follow my heart. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never had a passion. Then one day I figured it out and my heart caught fire. It's a different kind of life now. What I do now I do because someone in my future needs me to not give up. Someone will need help and I will be able to help them. I found my superpower...to not use it to help people is to waste it. I am strong, brave, and determined, all qualities needed for the next chapter in my life. I believe in myself because a lady named Jillian Michaels has told me to for the last 56 weeks of my life. It's a different kind of life now. 


     I wore a new bikini this summer, I lost 40 pounds over the year. I have an athletes body, 17% body fat. I am a badass. My training routine will change to accommodate my EMT certification schedule starting in late August. I will still have my daily sessions with Jillian, I need her to continue to whip me into shape. EMT training is only step one in pursuing my goal. You can follow my fitness journey on Instagram @newfigureforward. I post updates often of my achievements and goals. Reinvention is possible, I am proof! 

     That, folks, was my year with Jillian Michaels. I went in wanting my self-confidence back and discovered a badass! I quit quitting on myself and it changed my life. Jillian may not be for you, she's not for everyone, however be proactive about finding what you enjoy and do it! Do not quit! On days you don't want to, do it anyway. Half assing still counts. Quit quitting on yourself. The scale did not make a smooth drop down 40 pounds, it went up and down. The trick is keep doing it! Show up for yourself everyday and get addicted to personal pride. My sister once told me that you only get bragging rights after a workout if you finish it.
I still get my bragging rights. 

Bikini of Liberation

     I cannot remember a time when I did not think that my body was wrong. In 4th grade, I was the "fat" kid and began my life of bullies, eating disorders, and self hate. I pushed hard on the door that held my skeletons throughout high school and college: diet pills, binge eating, and bulimia. No one knew the mental beating I gave myself everyday for being "fat". Eventually I found myself at 300 pounds in my mid-twenties. I fought to save myself from feeling trapped in my body. I was living a life that was leading me to an early grave. I successfully lost 125 pounds with Weight Watchers and exercise. I have kept the weight off for seven years and in that time I have been anxiously waiting to finally love my body.  

     I have been waiting for the moment when I would no longer be embarrassed by my wiggles, jiggles, stretch marks, and wings. I have been waiting for seven years. When does that magical moment happen when I will no longer hate the skin I am in? It started to happen two years ago when I began my blog and opened up about my post weight loss frustrations. I could not have predicted the impact on my mental health this would have for me. It was life changing. 

     For the first time in my life I was learning about body positivity. I found other like minded people with the same desire to feel beautiful in their skin. Tess Holliday forever changed how I felt about my body. Her unwavering confidence inspired me to find my own empowerment in my body. I wanted to love myself; stand tall and be the woman the broken girl always hoped she would grow into. It has been a personal healing journey over the past two years. 

     I have set myself free from many beauty standards over the course of healing. I no longer workout only in black pants, I now have some of the loudest pants at the gym. Workout in color! I no longer subject myself to sweaters in summer to cover my arms. I wear shorts without fear or shame. Not only did I buy a bathing suit after having not owned one for over a decade, I wore it in public too! I am not the same woman. Self-love and confidence gave me the power to discover the amazing person the beauty industry beat down and kept down. I am a diet industry drop out! I run on self-love and self-care. 

     I had my biggest liberating moment over vacation this year. I wore a bikini. Yes!! I actually did it!! In public!! I was nervous; in truth I almost freaked out. My husband helped keep me in a positive mind frame and reminded me why I had this goal. I took a deep breath and dropped my cover to the ground. There I was...in my bikini...waiting for something to happen. And then, I felt it. Those butterflies in my stomach grew strong and I used them to fuel my inner badass. I turned those tiny wings in my stomach into wings of freedom out of my back.  Empowered! That is what I felt, the greatest feeling of empowerment and confidence I had ever experienced in my life! 

     Life is too short to constantly wait for self-love. Go out and grab it! Tell that ugly voice in your head to sit down and shut up, we only get one shot at this life and I am going to do it my way! Thank you to every person who encouraged me to kick down the walls of beauty standards. This moment was not just for me but also for every person who holds themselves back from giving themselves the happiness they seek. We are all beautiful right now!! 

I present my unphotoshopped liberating love myself moment in the sun! 

He's my favorite human. 

     

Simply Extraordinary Photo Project: Liz

Seen Through My Eyes: A Body Positive Photography Project

Beauty is not based on size, shape, measurements, or specific facial structures. Beauty is how we see the world around us; it is how we choose to see those around us. When we see this beauty, we can begin to recognize the beauty within ourselves. Through my camera I hope to inspire moments of feeling beautiful. I hope to capture soulful smiles and heartfelt giggles. I hope to capture confidence, apprehension, strength, weakness, sexiness, modesty, poise, and unruliness. I hope to capture the beauty of the woman in front of me, in all her unique glory. 

Simply Extraordinary Photo Project is my way of giving back to those around me. I treat each portrait as art without the use of Photoshop to change my model. Our bodies are gloriously beautiful as they are, no editing needed. 

Meet Liz. I have known Liz for 8 years. She has a passion for dance and movement and finds her power within her own physical strength and abilities. Her body, like her spirit, thrives on music and movement. Liz let me into her world of beats, rhythm, and harmony between body and mind, and the results are gorgeous photos!  She has a calm peace about her that pops out of these images. 

My time photographing Liz was beautiful. She not only showcased her physical strength with elegance, she also shared her struggles with body image. The desire to be perfect is within all of us, having been brainwashed to believe we are only worthy to love ourselves at a certain size or weight. I sat across from an incredibly beautiful woman, someone to whom many of us is the ideal body image, and I realized she is human too. She struggles with appreciating her beauty, like so many us do. My goal became to capture her essence through my camera, to show her beauty, her inner peace, and her contagious sense of happiness.  

For every woman that sets herself free from her own insecurities, another woman is free as well.  Together we can give each other permission to just be as we are, right now. Live life with passion and purpose and kick society's beauty standards to the curb.  Thank you, Liz, for trusting me to capture your unique beauty.

Thank you Liz for participating in my photo project! You radiate peace and strength. In your empowered moment you will set other women free to feel empowered in their beauty. 

Thank you for trusting me to photograph you with love and care. 

If you are in the Las Vegas area and would like to participate in Simply Extraordinary please contact me via email at Alyson@newfigureforward.com. Let me treat you like a model for an hour! 

6,500 Followers GIVEAWAY!

We are going celebrate 6,500 with a bag!

     I want to celebrate reaching 6,500 people by spreading the message of self love and body positive thoughts. We are worth more than the sum of our parts or the number on the scale. To celebrate this goal I am hosting a bag giveaway! Take a body positive message with you and spread the word. 

     The contest winner will be determined by activity on the Facebook page and New Figure Forward blog page. The more you help to spread messages of body positive and self love the more entries you will receive and the more smiles you will help pass on. 

     The top 5 active fans will be entered into a drawing. From the top 5 I am going to pick one awesome fan to choose the bag of their choice! 

The contest will run from Tuesday May 19th-Tuesday May 26th.

Here is how to enter:

1. Like this post on Facebook page and comment "Spread the Love"

    -This is key! Only the people who follow this step will be entered.

2. Over the next week the more you like, share, and comment on ANY post(s) the more entries you will receive. 

-Old or new posts. I encourage people to explore my blog and Facebook page for inspiring articles and messages and share them with friends and family. Help spread empowerment and self love! 

3. Share my Facebook page and encouraging your friends and family to become fans. For every person that leaves a comment saying you sent them, you will earn 5 more entries. 

Might be my favorite!

That is it! The top 5 participates will be entered into the drawing for the bag of their choice. My goal is to reach as many people as I can in 2015 with the body positive healthy living message and I need my fans to carry out my master plan. 

I want to lift women up into greatness, for greatness has no size requirement! 

I wish I could hug all of my fans! Good luck to all that join me on spreading body positivity this week! Thank you for the support of New Figure Forward! 

A Rainbow Divided. A Lesson in Gender Equality.

     My son is 9 years old going on 35. Really. He's been tested and has an I.Q. of 125. He is literally too smart for his own good. His ability for adult logic occasionally throws me off guard. His logic taught me a lesson in gender equality I will never forget! I never put much thought in gender equality, it had not affected me until now. 

     While Jacob was getting his glasses fitted and learning all the necessary glass care directions, the man helping him asked him what color glass case he would like then reached in and pulled out a case before Jacob could answer. He held in his hand a pink case. My son's eyes lit up and a huge smile broke out across his face because his favorite color is pink. I held my breath to see what would happen as this man's joke was about to blow up in his face.

     The first thing Jacob did was grab the box and say thank you while jumping up and down in his chair. The man looked taken back and at a loss for words. "Oh, you want that one?" I sat silent allowing my son to speak for himself. Jacob assured the man that yes he did want the pink box, pink is his favorite color! "Oh, you don't maybe want blue or green?" The man was looking at me for support to helping to change my son's mind. I remain quiet. My son very happily held on to his new glass case with zero intention of changing his mind.

     He has been denied "the pink one" every time pink has been an option. Not by myself but by society. If there is a pink option along with a green or blue option, he is always given the "boy" colored choice.  This man gave my son the choice and Jacob excitedly held on to the pink, happy to not have to pretend to like the blue or green box. I could see the wheels turning in this man's head, as this has never happened to him before. His handing a pink box to a boy had always sent little boys screeching "YEUW!! PINK!! No way!!" Not my kid.

     On the drive home Jacob held his pink box like it was a treasure. Then he asked me why boys are not supposed to like pink. Huh, my first run in with a gender equality question and it is coming from my 9 year old. I copped out and asked him why HE thought boys were not supposed to like pink.  "Well, I noticed that when a boy, like me, likes pink or purple they get made fun of but if a girl likes blue or green no one picks on her." I felt this ache in my heart when he said that, because he is right. I asked him, "Why do colors belong to boys or girls? Who said boys can only have some of the colors?" Now brace yourself, for what this 9 year old boy said next is beyond his years. Ready? He said, "I do not think God meant for the rainbow to be divided." Stunned silence. I was at a loss for words. My child, in that moment, blew my mind. 

     As I think about it; it is asinine to limit colors for genders. My 9 year old is right; why should he be made fun of for his color choices and not a girl for liking brown? He waited for me to clarify his confusion of the word and I could only offer him words of empowerment. Digging into my body positive speeches I found myself telling him the same thing I have told friends and family who have been down on themselves, "You have the right to like what you like and no one has the power to make you feel bad about it unless you let them. When someone picks on you for liking pink tell them you are allowed to like what you like, you don't comment on the stuff they like." It felt like a feeble attempt to strengthen my son, who has learned to have thick skin when it comes to bullies. He is the shortest boy in his class, likes pink, often sings Elvis or Johnny Cash, and can quote I Love Lucy. Unfortunately he is used to bullies, however he will not let them get to him. Jacob is not ashamed of who is, therefore someone else's opinion of him is not his problem. 

     I think Jacob is one of the strongest kids I know. I take that back, he is one of the strongest people I know. I am proud of his unwavering belief that he is allowed to like whatever he likes and if someone has a problem with it, it is their problem - not his. Jacob sees no logic in judging people for what they like or what they look like. Jacob can teach our society a few lessons on acceptance and gender equality.  My son likes pink and he makes no excuses for it because God did not intended for the rainbow to be divided! Jacob makes me very, very proud.