I was reminded today of the resolution I made for 2014. I resolved to no longer weigh myself. I was addicted to the number on the scale and I wanted to be free. To read the post "Addicted to the Number" click here. I struggled at first. I weighed myself on and then not again until . I thought that was good, so I went a few more days. Then on I was back to weighing myself everyday and writing it down. I told myself I would stop after I got my holiday weight off. I could stop when I wanted (additive behavior warning!)
The last weight written in my calendar is on , the last day I weighed myself. It has been over 2 months without stepping on the scale. I hide the scale. I hide it so well that I'm not sure where I put it. The first month it felt like a 'how long can I stay away' challenge. Every day that I didn't crack was one more day I was strong. After a few weeks, the challenge aspect of it wore off and I stayed off the scale because I believe I no longer need to know how much I weigh. I believe that weight is just a number and does not reflect how healthy I have become overall.
For those that are on a healthy body journey and are losing weight, I understand the need to stand on the scale. In Weight Watchers, my weekly weigh-ins are what motivated me. Six years after losing my weight I still lived in fear of gaining it all back. I refused to go back, and the ideas of getting out of control on the scale made me obsess about the number on it. I haven't seen 200 pounds on the scale in 6 years, let alone 300. At what point was I going to accept the person I had become? When was I going to give myself credit for conquering my weight struggle?
In Zumba, a friend commented on how good I look and asked if I had lost weight. I said thank you and I may have lost weight, I don't know. I don't stand on the scale any more. Two things happened in that moment: 1) I realized I have accomplished my New Year’s resolution and 2) my friend looked at me like I was nuts. "You don't stand on the scale?! Why not?!" I did not have much time to explain before class fired up, so I simply said, "I am not defined by a number and the scale doesn't weigh awesomeness." I meant what I said. I almost got choked up when it sunk in what I had said, it rolled of my tongue naturally. I, from the bottom of my heart, believe I am worth more than a number!
There came a point in my life where I wanted to be set free from the entire hateful inner monologue I have been plagued with since third grade. I trust myself to maintain a healthy lifestyle, both physically and mentally. I trust myself and the changes I have made are not a phase, the changes have become my second nature. I no longer need the scale to tell me what my worth will be for the day. I no longer eat with fear of how it will reflect on the scale in the morning. I eat and exercise for me, for my body, and for my health. Not for some plastic box, not for a number, and not for size. I am free from the addiction to the number and it is liberating!